My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
