I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
as a side note pls kill me
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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