I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
