I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
