He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
