'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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