You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
