He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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