She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
