Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
