what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
