pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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