You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I did not marry a roomba.
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