Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize