i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
