I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I think my fart just growled at me.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
