Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
