We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
