I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
