I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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