So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
