just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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