can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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