Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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