If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
