My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
i now understand why vodka
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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