i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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