I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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