I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
