I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
