oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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