ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
