and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
