Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
