i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
