tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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