The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
