so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Did I show you my penis last night?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
