Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
