The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
