i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
