Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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