Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
