She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
