I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
