u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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