This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize