Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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