two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
