i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
