I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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