Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
True but thats because hes a fetus.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
