Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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