He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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