well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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