I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
