well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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