Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
