Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
