My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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