it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
