My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
