I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
