if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just had sex on a roof
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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