Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize