She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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