she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize