i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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